Working Toward Intentional Marriage

     President Dallin H. Oaks (2007) said, “We live in a world in which the whole concept of marriage is in peril and where divorce is commonplace.” As I look around me, I see the truth of his statement every corner of the world I live in. Next December I will be celebrating my 30th wedding anniversary. In those same thirty years, I have seen friends and family be successful and not so successful in their own marriages. I give a lot of the credit to my husband and to God that we have made it to this point. I don’t want to take our achievement for granted. I want to actively pursue and build my marriage, (I am hoping for another 30 years!)

     What do I need to do to ensure that my goal comes to pass? I want to be intentional about all things that have to do with my marriage. I want to explore all the cracks and crannies and expose my weaknesses and strengths to the light of day. I want to catalog what has gone right, what has gone wrong and give gratitude to my Savior for his hand in all of it. Some of the places that I will start were found in our readings this week.

     The most interesting discoveries I made this week were readings assigned in my Family 300 level course concerning transitional characters. Carlfred Broderick (1992), a well-known psychologist, family therapist, author and one-time professor of marriage and family relations at the University of Southern California, explains that a “transitional character is one who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage.”  Broderick points out that the transitional character can choose to make the change for good or bad and the effects can last through multiple generations. One example can be an alcoholic that passes on his behavior, his lack of hope, to his children. They, in turn, would likely perpetuate the cycle, leading to their own children making poor choices about addicting substances (Broderick, 1987)

      Transitional characters and the role they play in their posterity’s lives, that is such a compelling conversation that I want to have (Broderick, 1987)! When a person steps away from the life that they are living and makes a choice that changes generations, that is powerful. My grandmother challenged all the darkness that included an abusive first husband and a divorce, which back in her day, divorce was not a popular choice. Although she was raised in a home that loved God, she felt that the answers her Baptist background gave her about "Who she was, where she was going, and why she was here on the earth," were not enough. These questions led her to a point in history where she made a choice that would affect her children and children's children through the years to come. 

      My grandmother met my grandfather, an officer in the air force, stationed at Fort Benning on New Year’s Eve 1943. Just as divorcee’s had a “reputation,” the soldiers had the same notoriety. My grandmother resisted my grandfather’s attention but quickly came to see that there was something different about this Texan soldier. Through my grandfather’s influence, my grandmother found the gospel and chose to leave her family’s faith to join his. She also had to put her ugly, abusive first marriage behind her and give my Grandfather trust that she thought she would never be able to reinvest. Her leap of faith translated into a family that has multiple generations of members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Her faith and devotion shaped my mother. My mother’s faith and devotion, in turn, formed mine. All that I have that is good in my life stems from the gospel. I am forever grateful for her choice that helped bring me to the place I am now.

      My grandmother made intentional choices that have changed generations. I love that she recognized all the good that her parents gave her, but had the vision to know there was more out there to find. I love that!  I hope to use this blog to honor all those who have assisted me in my journey up to this point. I want to search, study, ponder, and prayerfully find ways to help me, my children, and grandchildren, stay the course we are on and in the journey become more than who we are now! Are you a transitional character? Do you have transitional characters in your life or lineage that you want to give gratitude for? How can their examples help us to be more intentional in our marriages, homes, and family life?

Not sure who took this picture of my grandparents but I grabbed this one from my Aunt Lourena and would like to give her photo credit! She is the BEST!                                              

                                                          Works Cited

Broderick, Carlfred (1992). Marriage and the Family. New Jersey:       Prentice-Hall

 Oaks, D. H. (2007, April). Divorce - Dallin H. Oaks. Retrieved from     https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng